Confessions of a Fugitive Mind
November 12, 2002
What is a Friend?
From the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary:
Main Entry: friend
Pronunciation: 'frend
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English frend, from Old English frEond; akin to Old High German friunt friend, Old English frEon to love, frEo free
Date: before 12th century
1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem b : ACQUAINTANCE
2 a : one that is not hostile b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4 : a favored companion
I seem to have lost Sam's esteem sometime earlier in the year. He didn't tell me until just recently, but he holds me responsible for our relationship and the effects that it had on his life. Nevermind the effects on my life, because he swears I knew that it was a mistake. And knowing this but going through with it anyway disqualifies me as a friend. He seems to have absolved himself of all responsibility because he was on the rebound. And what's so wrong with having a rebound girlfriend, you ask? Nothing, unless of course you want to get back together with your ex-girlfriend. So now Sam has finally realized that he lost Caitlin, but doesn't want to accept that its his fault. The simple solution? Blame the live-in-lover and constant companion. If I'd been a true friend, "we" wouldn't have happened and he'd still be blissfully in love with Caitlin. All of their problems and conflicts and mismatches would have disappeared. And they would have lived happily ever after in the land of make believe.
Despite all the guilt he's trying to dump on me, I'm aware that I couldn't have been a better friend given the circumstances. This isn't to say that we made the right choice, but that it wasn't because I failed as a friend. Even so, I'm left feeling hollow and used. Realizing that Sam doesn't care for me as a friend is so much worse than realizing that he didn't love me. I think he'd be sick of hearing me say it by now, but I'll never stop: I'll take a good friend over a miserable lover any day. I'm just sad to see that he doesn't value a friend as highly.
Posted by criminal at November 12, 2002 11:37 PM