December 29, 2002
I Feel Old
Gosh. I'm starting to feel like an old lady. My cousin Tara is turning 15 on New Year's Eve and I can hardly believe it. I remember the night she was born and all of her birthdays since then. I was ok with Billy turning 16 last February, when I was stil 21. But now that Tara is a freshman in high school with a serious boyfriend, I'm really starting to reflect a little more on my age. It really makes me think about my freshman year... And just how much I've changed since then. I doubt I would still wear purple sneakers with every outfit or glue googley eyes to my backpack these days. I know I could not come between a man and his girlfriend or "borrow" answers to a homework assignment the way I used to. But I would still scream American Pie at the top of my lungs at a busy intersection and counsel friends with relationship problems at any time of day. These days I barely glance at the junior's section in stores and think the clothes trashy; I see a car full of teenagers and "punk ass kids" is the first thing that comes to mind; my cousin's classmates look like little kids; and pop music makes me want to change the radio station. People I went to school with are married with children and others are on their way to that situation. Cousins who once seemed so small and innocent are starting to think about which colleges they want to apply to. It all makes me feel old.
Posted by criminal at 12:45 AM | Comments (0)
Auld Lang Syne
Before Christmas, I visited with my best friend from high school and her family. Even though Kim and I have not kept in touch, our families have. It was great to see them - for several years, they were like family to me - and to see them well. Kim and I talked about how much fun we'd had years ago on New Year's Eve building snow men on my front lawn. I think we both miss the days when our biggest worries were whether we'd get an A in calculus or if a certain cute boy's smile meant more than hello. Although sometimes, I'll admit, our problems are still about what a man meant by a certain smile or comment. So, we talked about doing it all again this New Year's Eve. I, for one, can't wait. Kim has changed - and so have I - but I think she's still the out-spoken, hard-working, and boisterous person I was drawn to all those years ago.
Posted by criminal at 12:17 AM | Comments (0)
December 28, 2002
Post-Christmas Blahs
Christmas is over. The gifts have been given, the food has been eaten, and the family has gone home. I was so busy in the days leading up to Christmas - making gifts, cleaning, baking and not to mention healing - that I feel quite bored now that its over. I feel like I should be doing something, but I'm so damned tired. Tired of sitting on my butt, partly. But mostly, I just don't have the physical energy I did before surgery. Nor the physical strength - it was hard to open the door or pour a glass of juice just last week. I'm getting stronger, but not by much. So that means no yoga or pilates to stretch my neglected body. I tried knitting this evening, but while it made me feel a little better, its not enough. Blah.
Posted by criminal at 11:51 PM | Comments (0)
In a Vise
I've been feeling lousy for the last few days and I'm not sure why. I spent yesterday afternoon shopping at a few quiet stores in Owosso with my mother and grandmother. By the time I got home, I had a splitting headache that just wouldn't go away. When I went to bed, it just got worse. I felt like I had my head in a vise. I wanted to throw up, but refused to let myself. So I took some more tylenol and tums then sat in my recliner until I fell asleep a few hours later. Today, I decided not to make the trip up north to visit my Grandma Themm and my Uncle Trent and Aunt Sandy. I felt under the weather and didn't want to risk getting sick from the long car ride. I think I made the right choice - I felt miserable most of the evening. I just hope I feel better by the time my grandfather and his wife visit tomorrow.
Posted by criminal at 11:39 PM | Comments (0)
December 26, 2002
Dead Tired
I'm exhausted. The last few days completely wore me out. I did too much and I slept way too little. All the domestic and social engagements left me with only 8 hours of sleep in two days. That left no time for healing. I started catching up on sleep last night, but I'm ready to do some more.
Posted by criminal at 11:11 PM | Comments (0)
December 25, 2002
Happy Hosts
I really need to get to bed - I have to be up for breakfast with my father in a few hours. After that, I need to get back to make a wild rice stuffing for the holiday gathering we're hosting this year. We finally realized that we were out of time and spent the night running around cleaning and wrapping frantically. I'm sure everything will turn out fine, but there's still so much to do.
Posted by criminal at 03:37 AM | Comments (0)
Car Update
My car is being fixed. A call to the body shop found the rear-end repaired and awaiting a paint job and exhaust system. They said it would probably be ready next Friday. That's more than a month after they took posession. Five weeks to be exact. I didn't have to have my car during that time, but what if I had? I'm trying to be positive about it - at least I'm getting it back. Its worth much more to me fixed than totalled.
Posted by criminal at 03:33 AM | Comments (0)
I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas
Its snowing.
The system that was supposed to miss us as it came up from Chicago is here, and should drop 2-4" of snow before it leaves in the morning. Add this to the melting inch still on the ground and you get one big white Christmas. Hooray. It may not be the Christmas blizzard I always hope for, but its a good start.
Posted by criminal at 03:24 AM | Comments (0)
Holiday Survivor
After all the worry about spending Christmas eve at Granny's, it turned out to be a rather pleasant evening. For once, we weren't arguing or nagging at each other. I think we'd agree that it was one of our friendliest gatherings in ages. (Well, except maybe Barb, who was upset at any mention of her surgery.) Grandma did a great job with the ham and stuffed us full of her various chocolate candies. Uncle Ken brought date-filled cookies made using Great's recipe. When the presents were passed out, everyone seemed happy with their gifts. I really can't remember the last time when Christmas Eve seemed so cheerful and uncomplicated. And here I thought I'd be lucky to survive it without permanent emotional damage.
Posted by criminal at 03:18 AM | Comments (0)
December 20, 2002
Holy Rollers!
I just heard a loud peal of thunder outside my window. At first, I wasn't sure was it was. I mean, who expects thunder in Michigan in mid-December? But there it was, rolling along the windows in long, rumbling waves. I've heard a few smaller thunderclaps as well. According to the Weather Channel website, we're experiencing light snow. The doppler radar shows rain across the entire state. It sounds more like sleet though. Whatever mother nature gives us, I'll take, as long as I get my white Christmas.
Posted by criminal at 12:35 AM | Comments (0)
Shaken, Not Stirred
I'm a Martini, discover your ALcoHoLiC personality!
Posted by criminal at 12:27 AM | Comments (0)
December 19, 2002
Hives
Arrrgh. I started breaking out in hives last night. It was just one or two on my cheek, which I dismissed as some sort of blemish. Tonight, it happened again. This I had several small ones across my bright red cheeks. The tip of my nose was also red, which caused my family to notice. I couldn't think of anything that I might have had an allergic reaction to. I haven't met anything yet that I am very sensitive too, other than some kinds of rubber. But I've never had hives. I don't really even know what they look like. These look just like mosquito bites, small, pale raised patches on my skin that itch like the devil. Just a little while ago, another one popped up on my forearm, then on the edge of my jaw, and behind my elbow. They disappear within half an hour. I'm starting to get a frustrated and a little worried.
Posted by criminal at 11:23 PM | Comments (0)
Two Towers
Not Boynton and Washburn. Think Orthanc and Burad-dur of Tolkein fame. I made Barbie take me to see Two Towers this afternoon. I was chomping at the bit to go Tuesday at midnight, but my sister had succumbed to a bad case of the flu and I wasn't sure enough of my health to go out. The trip to the movie theatre was my first expedtion out of my driveway since the surgery (save the doctor's appointment I had last Friday) and my mother made a big deal about it. Despite her worries, I was fine through out the entire three hours of the film. I cringed; I jumped; I giggled; I even sat on the edge of my seat. The movie was good, especially the battle scenes. Those I found to be very true to the book. Some of the character development however, was not. I speak of Faramir, who was wise enough to see the ring for what it was. In Tolkien's version he guessed that it destroyed his brother Boromir and was able to resist its call. In the movie, he acted no wiser than his brother and meant to keep the ring until some sentimental soliloquy by Samwise. Faramir was one of the beacons of hope for mankind, but putting him this low lessens his heroic qualities. When Aragorn finally ascends the throne, it is over Faramir. I understand that it makes it easier to crown him if the only other ruler has less integrity, but the fact that he really does have incredible integrity that boosts the true king. Grrr. It just bothers me because I really felt for his character in the book and just didn't feel that pull in the movie. Now I'll be waiting impatiently for the Return of the King next winter and will probably see Two Towers several more times.
Posted by criminal at 09:02 PM | Comments (0)
Itching Bitching
This is my first official complaint pertaining to my boob job: they itch. Something about that whole healing process... Anyway, its nothing that I can't handle, but its starting to keep me awake at night. Benedryl, Hydrocortizone cream, and good old-fashioned scratching only goes so far.
Posted by criminal at 01:00 AM | Comments (0)
Instant Gratification
I keep looking down at my chest in disbelief. The huge appendages I learned to live with are gone, and I still can't quite wrap my mind around it. Its like I half expect my breasts to grow back overnight. I went to sleep and woke up without them, so every morning I expect to see them again. Seems reasonable that something that happened so quickly could unhappen just as fast. Its a bit irrational, because really, my breasts aren't gone, they're just different.
Posted by criminal at 12:28 AM | Comments (0)
December 14, 2002
So Fresh, So Clean
I got to clean up a bit today and it makes me feel so much better. I have been cleared to wash, but I can't get my inscisions wet, so that means no showering. I did however get to sit on a stool in the tub with the handheld showerhead and go to town on my lower body. I'm sticking to Lever cloths for my upper body. The person who decided to market all those handy disposable cloths for the face, body, and toilet deserves a nobel prize. I'd have gone nuts without them over the last couple days. And my wonderful sister washed my hair in the kitchen sink. I'm still sore, but at least I feel clean.
Posted by criminal at 12:49 PM | Comments (1)
Taking It Easy
I'm pretty much confined to my easy chair. Its not so bad because the darned thing is awfully comfortable. Moving around is still a bit painful and I found out this morning that I really don't have the energy to stand for very long. My body just isn't ready for that yet.
Posted by criminal at 12:43 PM | Comments (0)
December 13, 2002
Visiting Hours
I've had a pretty steady stream of visitors since 4pm today. I'm glad I got a nap in after my trip to the doctor's office. So far, Grandma Allen, Diane and her grandson Drew, Aunt Jean, Mary, Aunt Marlene, and Dad have been by. Before the first would leave, another would be over. But its nice to have people visit and it doesn't bother me much since I'm feeling pretty good. Dad even brought flowers (amish friendship bread and goulash too) but it was still weird because I don't think he's been farther than the doorway in 7 years. Barbie stayed away while he was here, but Mom stayed in the room and even made conversation, which makes me feel better.
Posted by criminal at 09:27 PM | Comments (0)
I Did It
I officially have average boobies. Hooray!
Posted by criminal at 11:37 AM | Comments (0)
December 12, 2002
Twas the Night Before Surgery
I revised this little ditty a bit to relieve some pre-op stress:
Twas the night before surgery and she was online
Getting assurance from Bosom Buddies that all would be fine
She had thrown out her lingerie; her bra drawer was bare
In hopes that some C cups soon would be there.
I had drifted to sleep and all snug in my bed
While visions of her cleavage danced in my head
Then all of the sudden there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Jules was enraged, breathing fire with eyes red
Holding high the computer up over her head
Then quickly she turned and gave it a toss
out the window it flew a complete total loss!
"I AM SICK OF THIS!" She said and she started to yell!
"And if you don't like it you can go straight to #$%*"
"Under or over?! Teardrop or round?!!"
Smooth or rough?!! The options astound!"
She was out of control; I trembled in fear
Her eyes met mine as she motioned me near
"C's AND D's, DOUBLE D's and G's!
Did you know it depends on my choice of CC's!??"
I nodded my head like I understood what she meant
Then she took off again with more anger to vent
"And that is not all! There is much more by far!
Do you know I even have to choose my own scar?!"
In mid sentence she stopped and looked out into the night
Through the just broken window at a soft glowing light
The light was floating on air and into the room flew
and a Fairy materialized in front of us two!
He looked like a bit harried and wore a bra on his head
That kept out the cold and his ears warm and red
His cheeks they were rosy and he had a beer belly
That jiggled like implants that are filled with real jelly
"I am the Boob Fairy, his voice said with a smile
And I have been listening tonight for quite a long while."
"I have heard you dear girlie and I have a great gift
Two C's soft and perky with just the right lift!"
Then he dumped out his bag and boobs hit the floor
There were dozens and hundreds, perhaps even more!
I saw tata's, and titties, melons, and bazooms,
knockers, and puppies, and orbs, and balloons!
He picked up a pair and said, "now these are the best!"
And waved his magic wand and touched it to her chest
"Now go to bed my dear Julie, without a worry or care
cause tomorrow in surgery the Boob Fairy will be there"
"All of your choices will be right ones, as you will quickly see
For I watch over all the Bosom Buddies most personally"
Then he turned with a jerk and back out the window flew
In a flash the window and computer both were like new.
We ran to the window having not spoken a word
Opened it quickly and out in the distance we heard
"Sleep well my dear girlie, tonight you can rest!
Tomorrow's surgery will give you a good chest".
Posted by criminal at 02:19 AM | Comments (0)
December 11, 2002
More Pre-Op Gripes
Have I mentioned that I'm not supposed to eat or drink anything after midnight? By the time I'm out of surgery and unanesthetized, that will be at least 20 hours without any nourishment. The prospect is scary. I'm afraid I'll be breaking at least the drinking rule until Thursday morning. I'll be sick if I'm not hydrated enough coming out of anesthesia tomorrow night. And then after I'm prohibited from eating, I'll be too sore to want to eat. Not to mention that I won't be able to shower because I'll be taped up like a squashed package. I'll be twitchy by Friday night. I just keep telling myself it will be worth it.
Posted by criminal at 11:56 PM | Comments (0)
Last Minute Errands
I keep forgetting all of these little things that I wanted to do before surgery... Like mail the puppy wreath, call to get my contact lens prescription, make Xmas CDs, wash my sheets, wrap presents, finish cutting quilt squares, sew gift bags, complain to the insurance company to get my car fixed, visit my old elementary school teachers, have a giant steak sandwich, finish cleaning my room, set up recovery area... and the list goes on. I realize I don't have time to do all of these things and could kick myself for not doing them sooner.
Posted by criminal at 11:55 PM | Comments (0)
On the Eve
This is my last night with big boobs. I keep thinking there should be some big fanfare or epiphany or scintillating night out - but there's nothing. I don't really feel any different. Well, I worry that I'll miss my boobs and that I'll be in a lot of pain, but its a strange feeling.
Posted by criminal at 11:40 PM | Comments (0)
No More Hospitals
I'm getting sick of going to the hospital. My father had another heart catheter done today and I spent a couple hours with him in the recovery room. I don't have a fear of hospitals or anything, but I'm not terribly comfortable being in them. I keep wondering why the people I pass in the halls are there and just end up feeling bad for all of the sick and injured people laying in the beds. And there are so many of them... Anyway, the doctor had only good things to say after the procedure, so I don't expect to see my father in the hospital again anytime soon (except tomorrow when our roles are reversed).
Posted by criminal at 11:07 PM | Comments (0)
December 07, 2002
Hospital Update
They found a new medication for my father which currently has his blood pressure under control. It was near 140/65 this afternoon when they sent him home. He'll need to monitor it frequently until he goes back next week for another heart catheter. He's concerned that the exploratory surgery might interfere with his being able to attend my surgery on Thursday. I would like to have him there (not that he'll be able to do anything other than sit in the waiting room) but I'd much rather have him healthy. In any case, he's feeling much better, but will still be restricted. I'll whip him if I hear that he's out on a ladder hanging Christmas lights. Stringing them on the fence or some shrubs, I can deal with.
Posted by criminal at 11:17 PM | Comments (0)
All Work and No Play
Finally, WPI is in the top 10 in college rankings. Too bad its for being an academically rigorous school where students have no life outside of quarterly classes and project work. I never thought it was terrible, but other colleges and universities must be cake walks compared to WPI. Then again, maybe that's why I'm still there...
Posted by criminal at 11:11 PM | Comments (3)
December 06, 2002
A Little Off the Top
I finally linked my Breast Reduction site, A Little Off the Top, officially making it public. Its not that good or all that complete, but I'm saving that for when I have nothing better to do than sit in bed and write about how I feel. Please make suggestions about it - I know it needs a photo gallery, but what else would you like to read about?
Posted by criminal at 03:33 PM | Comments (0)
Real Life ER
I just spent the night in the emergency room at McLaren, and I can say that its nothing like the TV drama. I got a call from my father last night, asking me to take him to the ER because his blood pressure was over 240. He failed to mention the burning indigestion (the only symptom in his first heart attack) and chest pain he was experiencing until we were pulling into the parking lot, an hour after I'd finished watching ER on TV. It turned out not to be a heart attack, so the hospital took its sweet time admitting him. After six sleepless hours in the cramped little room next to a screaming stroke victim, I was relieved to make it up to the 10th floor. The heart monitors haven't been hooked up since the move, but there's a nurse in every half hour to check his vitals. His bp has stablized around 160, which isn't good, but its bad enough to panic over. So I'm home trying to get a few hours of sleep before the cardiologist drops in. Even though I've been through it before, its still stressful and scary. And nowhere near as exciting as the television show...
Posted by criminal at 08:41 AM | Comments (0)
December 05, 2002
Homemade Greetings
I made more than a dozen cards for my mother yesterday. They're all hand-stamped with Native American art and lots of metallic embossing to give them a more festive air. She scanned them in for me, so eventually, you'll see a few of them in the greeting card gallery. It was nice to finish something though. Tomorrow I'll start on some of my other holiday/gift projects.
Posted by criminal at 12:33 AM | Comments (0)
December 04, 2002
Sweet Snow
Have I mentioned that there was snow on the ground when I got to Michigan? Not only that, but more has fallen since I've been here. And since the temperature has hovered below the freezing point, most of it has stuck around. Its great to see three inches of snow frosting my world... Also, the Weather Channel is forecasting snow for the day of my surgery. How cool is that?
Posted by criminal at 11:29 PM | Comments (0)
December 03, 2002
Aye Carrumba
Just got a phone call from the insurance company. The initial estimate from the body shop is over $8k. So now they're sending out an adjuster to make sure its accurate. How could I end up with $8k in damages and not end up injured myself? And the flippin' Blue Book value isn't even $11k. Grr.
Posted by criminal at 02:19 PM | Comments (2)
Not Again
I must have a sign on the back of my car that says "Hit Me" in big blinking letters. While I was running errands for my sister on Wednesday afternoon, I got rear-ended again. I was headed east on Flushing Road, just a mile from my mom's house, when I noticed that the traffic light ahead of me was dead. Several school busses waiting to turn into Sunridge Apartments blocked my view of its drive, so I slowed down, expecting a 3-way stop at the intersection. Just before I got to the intersection, the yellow light flickered once and the red came on and held steady. So I stopped. The man in the Chrystler mini-van behind me didn't. It took half an hour for the police and my father to get to the scene because traffic at 4pm the day before Thanksgiving was horrendous. So we just sat there, making small talk and blocking the right lane because the closest place to go was the fire station, 50 yards down the road. Thankfully, no one was hurt. Worst for me was trying to keep Ginger Bear calm when my nerves were frazzled themselves. She got to go along on the short ride as a treat and had been laying down in the back listening to me sing-a-long with Burl Ives Christmas tunes when we were hit. She eventually stopped shaking and I was able to see that she wasn't hurt, just scared. And I haven't even mentioned the car... suffice it to say that while there isn't much of a rear end left, I was able to drive away. The at-a-glance estimate was $4k, although I suspect it could be more, depending on how bent up the body is. When my aunt (and insurance agent) saw me for the first time Wednesday evening, she was floored, thinking the carnage she saw in the driveway was from the last incident: "I thought you said it was just a little accident!" We got a good laugh out of it later, but it still stinks. Twice in two weeks is just bad luck.
Posted by criminal at 11:58 AM | Comments (0)
Stealing My Spotlight
A few days before I came home, my mom told me that my sister was planning on having surgery during the holidays as well. Said she was trying to "steal my spotlight." I feel bad for her though. Its the same surgery she had in high school because it seems that the first didn't quite do the trick. So, she went in on Wednesday morning and was home by Wednesday night, much to my mother's dismay. Because the surgery was on her lower back and tailbone, her mobility was severly reduced. The doctor sent her home anyway, before she could really even walk. It took more than four days for her to even be able to sit down, but she's up and moving around now. She can have the spotlight if she wants it.
Posted by criminal at 11:20 AM | Comments (0)
Amish Friendship Bread
Since I got home Monday night, I spent most of Tuesday with my father making Amish Friendship Bread. Its a really interesting concept that begins with a starter that is passed around among friends, and ends up as an amazingly good muffin loaf. I brought a mini-loaf home, but the rest are stored in the freezer awaiting distribution at the family Christmas party, which I don't think I'll be able to attend.
Posted by criminal at 11:11 AM | Comments (0)
Long Drive
The long drive back to Michigan was rather uneventful and a little quicker than usual. Including numerous pitstops to use the bathroom, refuel, and grab food, the whole trip took 10.5 hours. The secret to my success? Not speed (although I did average 75 most of the way) but avoiding traffic and having almost no wait at customs.
Posted by criminal at 11:04 AM | Comments (0)
Will I Remember?
So I've neglected the journal yet again. Its not that I haven't had things to write about - I definately have - its more that I don't know if enough people read it to make it worthwhile. Mostly I write for my mother and sister's benefit, and it stands to reason that if I'm here with them, they already know what I'm doing. But I've realized that in the meantime, I'm already forgetting some of the things that I thought were important to remember.
Posted by criminal at 11:00 AM | Comments (1)